Binge-Watching: Four Keys to Success

In the pre-DVR era, I used to videotape sporting events to watch at a later time. During those tenuous hours between recording and viewing I walked on egg shells for fear I would unwittingly discover the game’s outcome. Friends had to be avoided for fear of a score leak. Newscasts? Verboten! I went radio silent until I saw the time-shifted game for myself.

Now, media goes with us, and so do the games. However, I still walk on egg shells and the reason can be summed up in two words: “Breaking Bad.” As I binge watch my way through Season Four, every day is a minefield through which I tip toe, leaving the smallest footprints this side of Al Gore.

So far, I have been successful. Outside, it’s 2013, but in my media mind it’s still the summer of 2011 and the fourth season of “Breaking Bad” is as fresh as the coffee I gulp to stay up and watch “just one more episode.” But my success has been no accident. It takes sharply-honed avoidance skills to win at this game. So no matter what your binge du jour, here are a few tips to help keep you in the dark.

Declare Your Intentions
If you are binge watching an old show, make sure your friends, family, associates, mail carrier and everyone in between knows what you are up to. You can offer those closest to you rewards for their spoiler-keeping abilities. Dinner, drinks, maybe both. Conversely, if you are in a position of power, threaten those around you who might let the odd plot twist slip. If my college students tell me anything more specific than “Sklyer is a bitch,” they know they will fail.

Hold Your Tongue
There’s a reason certain TV programs are called “water cooler” shows. People love to talk about them. Discussing your binge passion with others, no matter how tempting, is an invitation for disaster. Go about your business. Draw no attention to your secret life. As the Pollo Man says, “hide in plain sight.”

Be Like the Ostrich
We are exposed to thousands of messages a day, and only a handful of them come from people we know. Not only is Big Brother watching; he’s talking too. And he is intent on tipping off your binge storyline. Web sites, TV commercials, morning radio zoo crews and award shows are only a few of the outlets you need to avoid during your watching period. Put your head in the sand and avoid them all. Period.

Hyper-Binge
The longer it takes you to finish your viewing, the more likely someone will divulge sensitive information. Therefore, reduce your spoiler window and watch as much as you can as fast as you can.

In short, the successful binge watcher is an anti-social creature who must put a good chunk of their life on hold in order to scratch their viewing itch. Is it worth it? You bet. And if anyone ridicules you for obsessing over a season of television that has long past, just channel your inner Heisenberg, look them in the eye and say “Over? It’s not over until I say it’s over.”